...

I have never felt so alone, severely depressed, and felt like I've hit an all time low.

Emptiness is consuming me and it's hard to go on

Lost

Not the show, unfortunately.

I've found myself in quite a predicament and cannot turn to anyone for help, a kind ear.

I am lost.

Self-realization

Lately, I've realized that I need self-realization. Wow, that even sounded silly. How does one realize what they're lacking/needing? Maybe have another person, say a loved one, point it out? Or maybe come to terms that after 29 years on this planet, it's about damn time.

I came home today and broke down. I didn't feel welcomed. Yes, even my beautiful dog, Naomi, didn't feel like her happy usual self when she greets me at the door. Perhaps I am far disconnected than I had imagined.

Baby steps, Rosie. Baby steps.

I am a very, very sad girl lately

Things have come to a complete halt. I think for good this time.

Good things have to come to an end, I suppose, although I'm not ready to. I haven't shed a tear, and as I type this, I'm quite proud of myself for not having the urge to. Have I really moved on? Have I accepted that we're really through?

Here's what I've done so far:

Vegas x 2 (both times were lots of fun and very unique in its own way)
Mt. Pinos with the family. Ended up bruising up both knees since Naomi was a little too eager in the snow, and pulled me down.

Looking forward to:
Tahoe in February
Mel's birthday at Osteria La Buca next weekend
Rock Band party!
Maui in the near future

This December

I'm going to Guatemala for a few days. By myself.

I'm a little nervous, yet excited to go.

Mani and Pedi with my Jack n' Coke, please!

I found a cute little nail salon in N. Hollywood called Mani-Kir Royale. You have to sign up for a $20 a year membership, and that gives you 20% off of their weekly featured services. Not only do you get a discount, you get booooooze!! Imagine that. Getting sloshed while you get your mani-pedi on! I can't wait to try it. They also have late hours, like midnight on the weekend, and I'm a fan already! Facials, waxing and massages are also offered at the salon...Perhaps this place will get the Chanel logo right!

I smell so good, I'm falling in love with myself

That is all.

The time change is affecting me!

I had such a hard time going to sleel last night, so I struggled to wake up this morning. It's fairly slow and I think I'll reseach why the change ocurred 3 weeks early this year.

Had a good time this weekend. Went to Cinespace on Friday, which turned out to be a lot of fun! Saturday night, saw Ryan Gosling at a party in Downtown L.A. He's so good looking in person. After another party, we decided to head to this girl's house in Echo Park. This gay boy asked if I could give him and 2 of his friends a ride. I felt bad and was hesitant to say yes at first. As we arrived in Echo Park, I looked for my jacket in the back seat. It was chilly and I needed it. I searched and couldn't find it anywhere! I told Mikey that it was there before we left. I looked outside to see that one of the gay boys put it on! What a fucking douche! When I asked him for it, he had the nerve to reply, "oh, this is yours?" No shit, genius. It was in my car!

Didn't go to Disneyland afterall since shrooms was consumed Friday night. I think people got mad, but it wasn't my intention, nor the other parties involved, to hurt people's feelings.

I'm currently crushing on a total babe at work. Yeah, he's married, but I can still have my crush! I think he knows that I think he's cute, but I could care less. It's not like I'll ever act upon it....

Holy cuh-rap! Mega Lotto jackpot is nearly $360mil

What do you do with all that money?

I'd donate at least 20 million to my motherland, have babies, adopt babies, buy an island, give my family and friends a comfortable life. That's all.

Went to San Francisco for a couple of days. So much fun! I was sad to leave so soon. I love that city and its people. This guy offered to give me and my friend a ride to a vegan restaurant. The offer was declined but totally regretted. Oh well. I guess it's just a lesson learned. I need to be more adventurous! Not, like, crazy adventure, but more of a "no big deal, who cares, you only live once" kinda of adventure...which that ride I file under.

I think I may be a no-go for Disneyland this Saturday. It's going to be so busy, I can't even begin to imagine how long the lines will be.

Me and my homes went to Disneyland

A few pics from Friday:

Here's me with my new friend Minnie


Sooo much fun!

Birthday boy Matt and me


I'm pointing to my potion of free Jack (thanks for being so lenient, disney!) and diet coke


Matt, Colin, me and Mikey before we were drenched


Trin, Jackie and Abs

I'm feeling a little distant

Yet I didn't change locations. Still here. I need to stop being so self-destructive, that's all. I need a vacation. Some place tropical would be ideal

The roses arrived at G's work yesterday. He was totally suprised and it made all the ladies jealous...and I'm sure some of the dudes were a little surprised that a boy received roses. I had a lot of fun doing it, even though I know I won't receive any from him...it's the thought that counts, right?

Happy valentine's day!

"A light heart lives long" - Wm Shakespeare

It's a slow day

I usually enjoy reading these, but never completed one:

Thirteen random things you like:
1. Photography - mine or yours
2. Board games
3. Goss blogs
4. Shopping for vintage items - jewelry, coats and purses
5. Hiking
6. People watching
7. Day dreaming about my next trip
8. Cooking
9. Roulette
10. Reminiscing with friends and family
11. Hanging out with Buddy
12. Driving range
13. John Krasinski

Twelve movies:
1. Sound of Music
2. Night of the Living Dead
3. Pretty Woman
4. Requiem for a Dream
5. Fight Club
6. Valley of the Dolls
7. Amelie
8. The Dreamers
9. The Usual Suspects
10. The Lion King
11. Pan's Labyrinth
12. The Cutting Edge

Eleven good bands/artists:
1. Weezer
2. Coldplay
3. Radiohead
4. Peaches
5. Rilo Kiley
6. The Strokes
7. The Shins
8. Maria Callas
9. Bjork
10. Travis
11. Justin Timberlake

Ten things about you:
1. I'm a good friend
2. I can keep a secret
3. I read 4 to 6 books simultaneously
4. Shopping alone is my therapy
5. Being a mother is something I look forward to
6. I'm competative
7. Public speaking frightens me
8. I'm playful
9. I usually watch movies I've rented from Netflix in fragments
10. I can sleep anywhere...Some may consider it passing out, but I've slept during a concert before

Nine good friends:
1. Jack
2. Abs
3. Sheryl
4. Mikey
5. Trin
6. Suzette
7. Cynthia
8. John
9. Mel

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
1. Sashimi...spicy tuna, eel, mackarel - I luvv 'em all!
2. Jack and diet
3. Sprinkles' red velvet cupcakes
4. Prime rib - Morton's or Lawry's
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Agua
7. Calamari
8. In-N-Out cheeseburgers

Seven things you wear daily:
1. Lip balm or gloss - usually my lancome Juicy Tube in Cerise
2. Glasses or contacts
3. Deodorant
4. Moisturizer
5. Blush
6. Shoes
7. A smile

Six things you hate:
1. The inability to go sleep.
2. Rough feet
3. People lacking in basic personal hygiene
4. Bad hair days
5. Bigots
6. People who give fashion advise when, really, they have no right to - check yo' self!

Five things you do daily:
1. Text message
2. Eat
3. Drive, although I'm seriously thinking of getting a chauffeur.....why can't I be a socialite!?!
4. Floss
5. Laugh out loud

Four shows you watch:
1. The Office(heart)
2. Top Chef
3. BWE
4. News

Three things you want:
1. An English Bulldog
2. Marc Jacobs Stam bag - black or bone
3. A healthier lifestyle

Two people you've kissed:
1. G
2. A

One person you want to see right now:
1. My dad

I may as well be japanese

I love sushi. I can eat it everyday. I'm craving it as I write this new entry. Too bad I don't have the same craving for Chinese food since it's way cheaper.

Oh, and I lost out on the ebay auction for the tix to Paley fest. Way relieved, but still bummed that I may not be able to go to this thing

Party on Saturday!

People's sensitivity level

Is on a rise these days. Is it just me, or do people seriously need to chill. Won't get into too many specifics, but just been noticing some things here and there - both in my personal life and in my career.

Buster's back from the NYC. Hush Hush this friday, but happy hour first with some peeps, then shopping at my favorite store of all time, Costco. I really want the Nintendo WII.

I just found out my best friend is pregnant! I'm so excited for her, she and Mike will be awesome parents.

Top Chef's on tonight...omgomgomg I'm super excited!

Yeah, I've been pretty busy

Much has happened since my last entry.

Sam was eliminated from the finale of Top Chef (sad face) but my other fave, Elan, is going head-to-head with Marcel. I can't for the finale this Wed. I'm gonna be glued to the teli! Friday night, Mikey and I went to see The Shins perform at Amoeba records. They played 8 songs, both new and old. I've never seen them live before and I think they're a new fave band.
Afterwards, we were planning on going to the well for happy hour, but somehow that plan was thwarted by free booze and food! We headed out to an art gallery on Franklin for an opening. Good food, good art, and free booze = a very happy Rosie! Went to Fader mag party in Echo Park. More free booze, but it was budweiser and some malt liquor. Not a fan. Then this dude starts sweet talking me while I was waiting for Mikey to finish up in the bathroom. Turns out he was only trying to sell me some hash. No thanks, got the medical mj, brah... Stopped by the Short Stop (hahaha) to get my dance on. Went to another party in Venice. It was this amazing 3 story loft. Saw Davey, Andy and Tracey...hung out there until 5 or so. I did spend about an hour playing guitar hero with this really cute boy. And by boy, I do mean barely 21. We made great guitar hero music together.

Oh, did I mention I went to Vegas the week before for Andy's bday? Lots of fun and won some dough.

With that said, people who create myspace pages for their pets are really, really retarded. That's all.

Sam of Top Chef, oh how I love thee

Part of my MLK weekend consisted of a Top Chef marathon. About 5 hours of pure reality tv bliss...It was nuts! My luvv for Sam was reintroduced thanks to this marathon. Maybe it's his culinary creations, his humble way, or that he's a diabetic and wears an insulin bag. (Who knew I was a sucker for men with chronic illnesses?)

Asside from a slothful stint in front of the tv, my friend I attempted to see a show on Saturday. It was freezing and all the alcohol consumed couldn't raise my body's temperature. My BAC, on the other hand, was probably beyond the legal limit! All freezing aside, I had a great time at my friend's house. We played a couple rounds of Taboo and, you guessed it, drank some more. Afterwards, we went to my friend Mike's house to meet the rest of the crew. I mistakingly ingested something that I never wanted to. It was my fault for being so reckless and thinking I'm invincible. Not cool. Never again.

Me eyes are still twitching

It's insane. I've also been seeing things lately. Today, I thought this woman had 2 white patches on her face. It was reminiscent of a phantom of the opera mask.